


I Can't Do This Without You

by AllysonDark



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Punky Monkey, science punk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 14:33:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2154165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllysonDark/pseuds/AllysonDark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Kira hadn't been the one to wake up Cosima, what if it had been Sarah?<br/>Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, all credit goes to the creators at BBC America.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Realizations

**Author's Note:**

> Season 2 finale spoilers, I had to use a lot of Dialog from the finale for it to make sense, but at least it's only for the one chapter.  
> Disclaimer: I just like playing matchmaker.

“Well, that’s us..” I said awkwardly, biting my lip a bit. As much as I thought I loved Cal, I loved her a lot more, and I was going to tell him, even if it killed me.

“Yeah, just your standard groups of sisters.” He chuckled lightly, flashing me his warm smile. I shrugged my shoulders, returning the smile as casually as I could.

“Yeah, I think so.” I turned to face him, leaning against the wall, looking up at him as he spoke, telling he was going to be around, to help out with Kira and the bone marrow. “I don’t think we can do that for another six weeks..” I interrupted, frowning slightly. He nodded his head, letting out a sigh “Oh..” He said lamely, looking down a bit, before his eyes came back up to look at me.

I took a shaky breath, looking at him trying not to cry. “I don’t know what’s going to happen to Cosima..” I looked down, biting my lip hard. I could hear him getting closer as he let out another sigh, but before he could touch me, before he could make this any harder than it had to be, my head snapped up. “I love her...” I whispered, a tear slipping down my cheek.

“Well, of course you love her, she’s basically your sister.” He let out a soft chuckle, towering over me with that smile of his, making my heart crack just a little, but certainly not enough to lead him on.

“No, Cal...I really love her.” I insisted, looking him in the eye, as if that would some how, make it sink in. “More than a sister or a clone, or whatever we are to each other..I don’t know why..I just do.” I blurted out, trying to make him understand. I could see it on his face, as it all sunk in, his features went from playfully calm, slowly morphing into hurt, it made my heart lurch in my chest. He just nodded and offered me a sad little smile.

“Well, I wish you two the best, even if it’s a little hard to wrap my head around, I’ll still be around for you all.” He brought his hand up, to ruffle my hair, before kissing my cheek. I managed to muster a smile and a small thank you before he walked off, leaving me leaning against the wall, tears dripping from my chin. No matter how kind he was being, I knew I had hurt him, and I hurt him bad.

“Well..that was enlightening.” Felix purred, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs. I sniffed and shook my head, pulling him into a hug, burying my face in his shirt, just letting it all out for a few moments as he ran his fingers through my hair, kissing the top of my head until had calmed down. “I dunno if this is a good time, or even a good idea, but Art, has someone down stairs that really wants to meet her sisters.”

I pulled away, my brow furrowing as my brain tried to process the information until I came to the obvious conclusion that it had to be Helena down stairs and despite everything that had happened, a small smile formed on my lips. “I’ll go get her.” I said, wiping my face as he nodded, letting me know he would wait until I got back to go in.

As I walked down the steps, I recited random lyrics in my head, trying to clear my thoughts, before I came upon Art, leaning against the wall, Helena holding onto his jacket sleeve. For some reason the sight made me giggle, a little too much, ending with them both looking at me like I was mad. “I’m sorry, it’s just an odd sight.” I managed, grinning at the pair, before Helena came over and wrapped me up in her arms, for a slightly awkward, bear hug. “I’ve got it from here, Art, go home and sleep, you look like you need it.” I smiled at him, allowing Helena to hold my hand as I waved the other at him.

“Thank you, you guys have a nice night, okay? Keep me posted on any new information.” He offered a tired smile, before departing, leaving me with my twin.

“Promise you’ll be on your best behavior?” I asked her as we ascended the stairs, her hand still in mine, making me feel like a protective older sister.

“I promise, seestra.” She smiled, her accent just as thick as always. I nodded my head and let her hand go, as Felix opened the door. He walked in first, a cheeky smile on his face as he moved aside, allowing Helena to enter. She set a bag down and looked up, I could sense the caution in her movements as she looked around at the occupants of the loft.

“Helena,” Felix purred as he walked over to Cosima, offering her a hand, helping her up off the couch. I closed the door, slipping the screwdriver into the slot as Cosima whispered a soft _oh my god_ before standing up straight. I leaned against the door, watching my clone interact. “This is your sister, Cosima.” Felix introduced them as Cosima let go his hand, offering Helena a smile.

“You, should not be up..” Helena mumbled, looking at her sister, worry on her face. It made me smile just a bit, seeing her already relaxing, taking a protective stance toward Cosima.

“I’m up.” Cosima smiled, shaking her head slightly, dismissing her clone’s worry. “Come here.” She said softly, pulling the blonde into a hug, which she returned, only slightly. “You’re very beautiful.” Cosima commented, making me smile.

“Thank you..” Helena replied, rather awkwardly “I like your hairs..” I watched her smile slightly as Cosima chuckled softly, returning the compliment, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. “Helena, this is your other sister, Alison.” Felix interrupted, with his warm ‘big brother’ smile, as Alison unfolded her arms, looking more out of place than her bushy haired clone.

“Hello, Helena..” She paused, shaking her head a bit, holding out a hand “Lovely to meet you..” Helena took it gently, giving it a little shake, before replying with her own awkward greeting, as Cosima chuckled once more. Felix came over and squeezed my shoulder, getting me to smile once more, before I turned my attention back to my clones.

“You are married?” The Ukrainian asked, making Alison smile warmly. “Yes, oh yes, very much so, to Donnie..” She smiled, relaxing just a bit as Helena replied that she would be married one day. “It’s very rewarding, if you can make it through the rough patches.” Alison informed her, nodding her head.

We all turned our heads toward Kira as she called out “Auntie Helena!” Running toward the Ukrainian, who knelt scooped her up into her arms, before kneeling down, hugging her tightly, setting her on her own two feet. “I thought you ran away from us.” Kira spoke, looking a little sad.

“I came back to see your little face.” Helena grinned as KIra held up her hand, to which she pressed her own hand against. “I’m so happy to see you, I’m going to eat your fingers.” The blonde teased, nibbling the little one’s fingers as she giggled. I wasn’t the only one in the room, touched by their interaction, everyone one else wore the same, soft, warm smile, that I myself did. We could all feel the love radiating from the two.

 When Felix asked if Helena was alright, I just shook my head a bit, a soft chuckle escaping my lips as I replied. “Yeah.”

The night was going pretty smoothly, Kira was coloring by the bed, Fee was off doing his thing and Helena and Alison seemed to be getting along pretty well. It wasn’t until Cosima got up, that I refocused on her. She took her cannulas out, hanging them off the handle of her oxygen cart, making me frown as she started the music. I went to say something, until I saw her body start to move, at first it was just her hands, but then Felix popped over, twirling her slowly, giving me a look, before I got up as well.

Running a hand through my hair, letting my body loosen up a bit, moving to the beat, looking a little mechanical compared to the way she flowed with the music, and I couldn’t keep my gaze off of her. I knew the others had started dancing and out of the corner I could see Kira dancing as well, making me smile. It wasn’t until Felix bumped into me, making me grin, that my gaze moved from Cosima’s beautiful dancing. I shoved him gently, but started to dance with him, grinned and laughing gently. It was the most fun I had had since finding out about everything. Kira really started to move and I couldn’t help myself as I called out “Yeah, go Monkey!”

Felix and I cheering as Cosima called out as well. I couldn’t believe how much I was grinning, I knew my face would hurt later, but it didn’t matter, all that mattered was that we were all here and happy and for a time, not in danger. After all the partying, everyone settled down, Felix crashing on the couch with Kira, Helena curled up on a pile of blankets up by Felix’s art and some how I managed to end up in the bed with Cosima, which I was sure Fee had something to do with.

I was curled up on my side, my back facing her as she laid on her back, I could tell by her breathing that she wasn’t asleep and I figured that it might make me relax a little if I just talked to her. So I rolled over slowly, trying not to jar her, smiling as she glanced over at me, whispering a soft hey, before her gaze returned to the ceiling. “What are you thinking about?” I asked softly, leaning on my pillow, looking at her, my face inches away from hers.

I could feel the heat rolling off of her, and the soft scent of lavender, I had to stop myself from inhaling deeply, just to memorize it. “Buckminster Fuller and sacred geometry.” She said as if that was something normal people said, but then again, she wasn’t exactly normal. I simply rolled my eyes, a playful smile on my face as I laid my head back against the pillow.

“Look.” She insisted, holding her right arm up, pushing the sleeve down, revealing what looked like a spiral sea shell. “So this spiral, this is the golden ration, and it’s a mathematical pattern, that just repeats itself in nature, in flower petals, honeybees..” She trailed off, tracing the tattoo, before speaking once more. “And you know, the stars in the galaxy, and in every molecule of our DNA.” She finished, her gaze never shifting from the ceiling.

“God, we’re so different, all of us.” I exclaimed softly, completely blow away at what she had just told me. I almost couldn’t wrap my head around it, she agreed, her eyes moving as she covered the tattoo once more. “I don’t even know how to look at art..” I admitted, not entirely sure why, but it felt right. I could feel her gaze on me and it made me grin “Don’t tell Felix.” I chuckled softly, looking at her and then away again.

“I won’t.” She replied softly, lifting her hand up and I couldn’t resisted snaking my fingers into hers, holding on as she spoke. “You’re the wild type, Sarah, you propagate against all odds, you’re restless, you survive.” My heart thudded hard in my chest as our fingers danced together, my eyes moving to watch her face.

“I can’t do this without you, Cosima..” I admitted softly, fighting back tears, sniffing as I shook my head, her eyes on me. “You’ll be fine.” She whispered, my lip trembling as I sniffed again, harder this time as the tears threatened to spill over, mumbling a small yeah in reply before she continued, “You just have to keep moving forward.” Her eyes bright, as she squeezed my hand gently.

“Move forward through the looking glass, with Marian bloody Bowles.” I snorted as I wiped away the moisture from my eyes. I could hear her let out a breathy chuckle, before retorting “What could go wrong?” Her fingers flexing in mine as she brought our hands down, keeping them entwined. I sighed softly, looking at the ceiling for awhile, listening as her breathing evened out.

I glanced over at her, as soft smile on my face. Even though we all looked alike, she was certainly the most beautiful of us all, the most unique. My heart throbbed as my name passed her lips quietly, before she quieted down. “I love you..” I whispered as I brought our hands up, kissing the back of hers, before settling back down, closing my eyes.

My pleasant dream, of Cosima, Kira and I, out by the lake, happy and laughing, was interrupted by the bright light streaming in through the window. “Fuck..” I mumbled, bringing my free hand up to shield my eyes. My left was still intertwined with Cosima’s but something wasn’t right, hers was cold. As I turned to look at her, it looked as though she wasn’t breathing.

“Cos..” I said, shaking her shoulder gently. When she didn’t stir, my heart dropped into my stomach like a stone, tears welling up in my eyes. “Cosima..wake up..please..” I pleaded, letting go of her hand to take her glasses off, tossing them onto my pillow, before my hands cupped her face. “Oh god..please..please wake up..” I sniffed, tears dripping from my chin and onto her chest.

I sniffed hard, dropping my head down, laying in on her shoulder as I sobbed softly, my whole body shaking. “Sarah?” She croaked, making my heart flutter, my head snapping up. Her eyes were open, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Sarah, what’s wrong?” She asked softly, my body flooding with relief.

 “You stopped breathing..I thought you were dead..”I whispered, my hands moving to her face once more, my thumb stroking her cheek slowly. “I thought I lost you..” I managed to get out, tears still streaming down my face. I couldn’t control myself, as I leaned down, pressing my lips to hers. Surprised at the amount of warmth that flowed through me when she responded, her lips moving with mine as her hands tangled into my hair, pulling me impossibly closer.

It certainly wasn’t how I planned our first kiss, if I ever managed to gather the courage, but it was wonderful, despite the wetness on my face and the hastiness of it all. When I pulled away, to smile down at her, she flashed me the same, goofy smile she had, the first time we met. “Well..that’s one way to wake up.” She chuckled, bringing a hand to cradle my cheek.

I rolled my eyes at her, sniffing gently as I leaned into her touch. “I’m sorry, I scared you..” She said softly, her thumb running over my lips as I shook my head gently.

“It wasn’t your fault, just..don’t ever do it again.” I said, my brow furrowing softly. “I don’t want to lose you..ever, I..” I trailed off, biting my lip.

“I love you too.” She murmured, a knowing look in her eye, and in that moment, I knew she wasn't asleep when I had confessed.


	2. Surprises

I felt heavy, as I tried to open my lids against the bright light that was threatening to disturb my dreams. My brain was foggy even as I opened my lids, all I could see was this bright, almost blinding light around her as she whispered “I can’t do this without you..” A soft smile came to my lips as I blinked awake, my vision slightly blurry as I realized my glasses were off. I glanced over, my brow furrowing when she wasn’t there.

“Sarah?” I croaked out, finally coming to my senses, realizing she was on my chest and she sounded like she was sobbing. “Sarah, what’s wrong.” I asked, tilting my head a bit as she looked up at me, her cheeks shining with tears.

“You stopped breathing..I thought you were dead..” She informed me, her hands cupping my face as her thumb stroked my cheek slowly. “I thought I lost you..” She whispered, tears dripping down her chin. I saw it coming, but did nothing to stop her as she leaned down, pressing her warm lips to my own. I was pleasantly surprised at how she felt, much better than anything I had ever imagined and I couldn’t bring myself to end it. Instead I tangled my fingers in her hair, deepening the kiss.

It was perfect, despite the events that brought it on, or the wetness that was now on my cheeks, because it was finally happening. As she pulled away, smiling at me in the way I’ve only ever seen her smile at Kira, I couldn’t help but grin back up at her, my hand moving to cup her cheek gently. “Well..that’s one way to wake up.”I chuckled softly. She rolled her eyes at me and sniffed softly, leaning into my hand as I ran my thumb over her lips, sighing softly. . “I’m sorry, I scared you..” I murmured, biting my lip gently.

“It wasn’t your fault, just..don’t ever do it again.” She said, shaking her head a bit, her brow furrowing cutely like it always did when she was debating on something.“I don’t want to lose you..ever, I..” She trailed off, glancing away.

“I love you too.” I murmured, a slight smirk on my face as I thought of how adorable she had been last night and how hard it was for me not to react to what she had said, but I figured she needed time to work up enough courage to say it to my face.

“Bloody hell, Cos, you were awake last night, weren’t you!” She huffed, her cheeks turning a beautiful shade of red. I watched as a slight smile formed on her lips, even as she tried to pretend she was mad at me for it, I could tell she was some what relieved.

“You caught me, but in my defense, you just assumed I was asleep, and you made it extremely difficult not to say anything last night, but I figured you weren’t quite ready to say it to me, so I just let it go.” I admitted, shrugging my shoulders a bit as she moved off of me. I frowned at the lose of warmth, but rolled over to watch her as she got out of the bed, stretching her arms over her head.

“Well, thank you for that, it’s just confusing..all of this.” She gestured to them and then out toward the loft where everyone was sleeping, before her arms dropped to her sides once more. “We’ll figure it out.” I said softly, watching as she crossed to a large duffle on the floor, pulling out a pair of grey jeans, and a black shirt, along with a set of underwear. I couldn’t bring myself to look away as she started to strip.

Even though we were genetically identical, I could spot the differences between us both. Her body was toned and muscled in places where mine were not and she had odd scars here and there, I knew some were from recent events, but the paler ones, the old ones, had to be from either Vic or her past endeavors, and for some reason, that made a spark of rage run through me.

“I’ll be back in a few hours, Marion wants to show me something.” She rolled her eyes as she grabbed a brush off the end table, running it through her thick hair, before tossing it back. She looked stunning, as always, and she didn’t seem to mind my staring. “Saw something you liked, I hope.” She smirked at me as she shrugged on her leather jacket, before sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling her boots on.

My cheeks flushed as I shook my head, stifling a giggle. “Nothing I haven’t seen before.” I retorted, throwing a pillow at her, snorting as it pegged her in the back of the head. She sat there for a minute, strapping her boot before she picked up the pillow, turning on me with a devilish look in her eye.

“You’re going to regret that.” She grinned smacking me with the pillow lightly, rolling her eyes. “When you’re better anyway.” She winked, before pecking my lips, crawling off the bed once more. I sighed softly, leaning against the pillows as she grabbed her wallet, phone and what looked like a bulky pocket knife, stuffing them into her jacket or pants pockets. “We’ll talk about all of this later, yeah?”

She said, flashing me her signature smile, before walking off of the platform. “Okay, be safe.” I said softly before she left the loft. With a huff, I rubbed my face, before getting up, grabbing my glasses off of her pillow, slipping them on before I got out of bed. I cleaned up a bit, putting on fresh clothes, before I grabbed my laptop, flipping it open to start my work.

I had been rereading the same line for the last hour, when Kira climbed into bed next to me, curling up into my side. “What are you doing?” She asked softly, leaning her head on my arm, a book in her lap.

“I’m trying to isolate the cause of what’s making me sick, so I can fix it.” I replied, leaning over to kiss the top of her head. She was so sweet, and even though she wasn’t mine, I was so protective of her, when I had found out she was taken by Rachel, I wanted nothing more than to shove that pencil into her eye myself.

“Oh, well, do you want to read a story?” She asked, making me smile softly. She placed the book she had, on top of my keyboard and looked at me with a smile that was so much like her mothers.

“Alright.” I smiled, opening the book. My eyes widened as I looked at all of the formulas and coding that were scrawled across the pages, flipping through to find that most of them were covered in genetic sequencing. “Kira, where did you get this?” I asked, looking at the small child with wonder.

“Mr. Duncan gave it to me, he said it was really important.” She smiled, snuggling into her aunt. “He said it would help, was he right?” She asked, looking up at me with those big brown eyes of hers.

“He was very right, Kira, this is going to help me get better.” I smiled at her, ruffling her hair. “Why don’t you go wake up Uncle Felix and Auntie Helena, and we’ll all go out for breakfast, okay?” I chuckled as she nodded enthusiastically, before bouncing off to wake the others up.

I pulled my phone out and texted Sarah. _Everything is going to be okay_. I hit send, a grin on my face as I tucked the book into a safe place, before getting up once again, chuckling as my phone went off.

_What the bloody hell, is that supposed to mean?_ She responded, making me roll my eyes, as I replied with a simple, _I’ll tell you later_ , before pocketing it once more.

“Where’s Auntie Helena?” Kira called out as I stepped down off the platform, looking at Felix with raised brows. He shrugged his shoulders, before heading over to Kira, who was sitting where Helena was sleeping the previous night.

“I don’t know, Monkey, maybe she had to go somewhere.” Felix said, picking the little one up, holding her to his chest as she continued to pout. “Oh, don’t be sad, love, she promised she would always come back, didn’t she?” He smiled, kissing the top of her head, before setting her down once more.She nodded at him and perked up a bit, before running off after he told her to go get dressed. “What is that?” He asked, pointing to what looked like a large nitro tank.

I knelt down, keeping a hold on my oxygen cart, as I read the label. “I think it’s Helena’s DNA or something...” I said, picking the label off. It was marked _Specimen: Helena._ “I have some equipment with me, that we can use to check later, let’s go eat first, okay?” I smiled at him as he helped me get back up.

“So, did you and Sarah do any talking?” He asked, a smirk on his lips as I slapped his arm gently. “Oh, please, like I wouldn’t know my sister was in love, and besides I see the way you two look at each other, it’s bloody pathetic sometimes.” He rolled his eyes at me, giving me the look he gave Sarah when she tried to hide things from her.

“We talked..yes, she uh..well she admitted she loved me last night when she thought I was sleeping.” I paused as he gave an amused sort of chuckle, before I continued. “And apparently I stopped breathing this morning, and she was crying all over me and when I woke up she looked so heartbroken and then she..” I trailed off, my cheeks heating up as I looked away from him.

“Oh my god, she kissed you, didn’t she?” He practically squealed, causing me to slap my hand over his mouth. “Quiet, I don’t think Kira should know, not right now anyway, we don’t even know how to go about any of this.” I hissed, before removing my hand.

He rolled his eyes, giving me that brotherly look again. “Fine, but if you think about it, your thing with Delphine is over, and she told Cal last night, so really the only thing standing in your way is yourselves.” He pointed out, my brow furrowing when he mentioned Sarah telling Cal.

“Wait, she told Cal? How did that go?” I asked as he shrugged, walking off to grab himself some clothes. I followed him, my brows up, waiting expectantly.

He snorted as he changed his shirt, before replying. “He took it surprisingly well and she ended up crying, but she’s fine, obviously, so I don’t understand why you guys don’t say fuck it and bloody be together, no one here is going to care and Kira loves you all to death so I doubt it could be any worse than Sarah’s previous relationships, at least you won’t be trying to kill her.” He said matter of factly, pausing before he seemed to decide against changing his pants in front of me.

I shuddered slightly at the thought of the men that had hurt her, protective rage swelling up inside me once more. “You’re right, Fee, but we’re going to talk about it once she gets back, so I mean..we’ll figure it out.” I said, before turning around so he could change.

Around the time he was ready, so was Kira, looking adorable in a pair of blue jeans and a white shirt, her pink jacket hung over her shoulders. It made me think of how Sarah would look as a child, dressing almost the same way. “Are you ready for some pancakes?” I asked, pulling on my jacket, before holding my hand out for her. She took it, nodding her head as she smiled at me. “Then let’s go, tell Felix to hurry up.” I teased as she looked over her shoulder, watching her Uncle pull on his over coat.

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’, hold your horses.” He replied, shaking his head, as he opened the door for them. “Come on then.” He chuckled, as I let Kira pull me out the door, my oxygen tank trailing behind us. After he locked the door, Felix insisted on carrying my tank and the the cart down the steps. I rolled my eyes, but allowed him to as Kira and I walked down in front of him. I would be glad when I could come up with a cure, because this tank was getting annoying.

“There’s a diner right down the street that has her favorite pancakes.” He informed me as we took to the streets, me on one side of Kira, him on the other. To some people we may have looked like a family, and that’s how I felt, only part of me wished it was Sarah on the other side of her daughter, instead of her brother.

“Sounds good to me.” I grinned as we swung Kira between us as she giggled. I couldn’t get over how adorable, how much like her mother, she was. “What are your favorite kinds of pancakes anyway? Mine are blueberry.” I chuckled as she bounced between us.

“That’s mommy’s favorite too!” She grinned, turning her head to look at me. “But, mine are chocolate chip, just like Uncle Felix!” I heard him chuckle as we turned the corner, coming up on the small diner.

“That’s right, Monkey, should we get a big stack to share?” He asked, holding the door for us. I offered him a warm smile in thanks, which he seemed to shrug off, like usual.

“No, I want my own stack.” She insisted as she pulled us to a window booth, scooting in. “Auntie Cosima, will you sit with me?” She asked, looking up at me hopefully. Felix scoffed softly, feigning hurt at her words, as he slid into the opposite side. “Alright, Kira.” I smiled, slipping my jacket off, before sliding in next to her, leaving my tank as close to the booth as possible, not wanting to trip anyone.

When the waitress came, she offered us a bright smile, handing out our menus, before taking our drink orders. Felix got tea, Kira, chocolate milk, and I got myself a cup of black coffee. “Ew, you drink it black?” Felix asked once the waitress was gone.

“Yeah? it’s not that bad, at least I don’t drink hot tea.” I made a face, shaking my head slightly. “Tea has to be the most vile thing in the world, I don’t understand how you and Sarah drink it.” I said, watching as he shook his head. “You, Yanks and your coffee.” He snorted, leaning his chin in his hand. I sighed softly, shrugging my shoulders, finding it easier to just drop it than to argue, although, being called a yank was new.

“Here we go,” The waitress murmured, setting out drinks down in front of them. “Do you guys need more time to look over the menu, or are we all settled to order?” She asked, sounding a bit too chipper.

I shrugged my shoulders, looking to the others before I answered. “I think we’re ready, I know I want a small stack of blueberry pancakes and a side of bacon.” I smiled, looking over to Kira who was acting uncharacteristically shy.

“Me and the little one will have a chocolate chip pancakes, I would like a side of fresh fruit and she wants fried potatoes.” He answered for him and Kira, who gave him a grateful smile, before taking a sip of her chocolate milk.

“Alright, I’ll go put this right in and have it out as soon as it’s ready.” She smiled, taking our menus before taking off again.

I shook my head, grabbing a few packets of sugar, pouring them into my mug, before stirring and taking a sip, sighing softly as the warmth traveled from my chest, settling in my stomach. “Much better.” I smiled, nudging Kira gently.

“Do you have a pen?” She asked, looking from me to her paper place mat.I chuckled softly, rummaging through my jacket pockets, before extracting a black pen. “Thank you.” She grinned, starting to doodle on the paper. We sat in comfortable silence, waiting for our food, occasionally Kira would ask a random question, both other than that, we were uninterrupted until our food was set down in front of us.

We smiled and thanked the waitress, before digging into our breakfast. Felix’s brow furrowed as he pulled out his buzzing phone, “Sarah?” He answered, the sound of her name making my heart jump. “Oh, we’re at the diner, eating, yeah, Helena left, but Cosima and Kira are with me.” He nodded to himself, taking a sip of his tea. “Alright, see you soon.”

He hung up, tucking it away once more, before rolling his eyes. “She thought something may have happened, but she’s headed over here, will you wave down the waitress and get her a mug of tea, I need to use the restroom.” I nodded and waited until he was out of sight, before waving over our waitress. She smiled at me and nodded, going to get the other drink. Sarah showed up, shortly after the mug was deposited, and scooted into the booth, right across from Kira.

“Morning, love, how did you talk Uncle Felix into buying you pancakes?” She asked, taking a sip of her tea, her cheeks and nose were slightly pink from the cold. Her eyes glanced over at me, looking soft and warm, before they returned to her daughter.

“I didn’t, it was Auntie Cosima’s idea.” Kira grinned, taking a bite of her pancakes, humming happily. I chuckled and shrugged my shoulders, finishing off my coffee. “Well, that was nice of you.” She said, as Felix sat down, nudging her sister with a smile. “Are those blueberry pancakes?” She asked, pointing to my plate.

I had barely touched them, not very hungry. “Yeah, they are, do you want them? I’m not all that hungry.” I said, pushing the plate toward her. She accepted them gratefully, pouring an insane amount of syrup on them, before tucking in. I shook my head, smiling as my mug was refilled, watching them eat contently, as I sipped my drink.

Everything was absolutely perfect


	3. Do Me The Honor

After everything I had seen today, an empty loft wasn’t something I had expected and it filled me with cold sense of fear as I looked around. Nothing seemed out of place, but with everything we had been through, I wanted to be sure.

I settled myself on the bed, as I pulled my phone out, dialing Felix. “Bloody hell, where are you all?” I asked, relief flooding through me when he said they were at the corner diner. “Christ, you couldn’t have left a note or something? I’ll be down there in a few.” I sighed and hung up, shoving the phone into my pocket once more.

“Arsehole.” I grumbled as I flopped back on the pillows. As I laid there, I couldn’t help but bring hers to my chest, hugging it tightly as the morning’s events flashed through my mind. Burying my face into the fabric, I let out a shaky breath, before inhaling her scent, letting it calm me, before pushing up and off the bed, wiping my face just in case.

I took one more look at the rumpled blankets, before exiting the loft, locking it back up, before making my way to the diner. I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets as I walked, keeping my head down against the cool air, letting out a sigh only to watch the way my breath curled in the wind.

By the time I reached the diner, I was chilled enough to be grateful for the warmth inside as I spotted Kira and Cosima. I smiled softly, sliding into the booth, across from my daughter. “Morning love, how did you convince Uncle Felix to buy you pancakes?” I asked, sipping at my mug of tea, letting it warm me up,from the inside out, letting my gaze shift to the woman next to her for a moment.

“I didn’t, it was Auntie Cosima’s idea.” Kira grinned, taking a bite of her pancakes, letting out a happy hum.

I watched Cos shrug it off with a chuckle before sipping at what looked like coffee. “Well, that was nice of you.” I smiled, as Felix sat down, nudging me gently. I returned it, before spotting the pancakes on my clone’s plate. “Are those blueberry pancakes?” I asked, pointing at her plate.

“Yeah, they are, do you want them? I’m not all that hungry.” She said, pushing the plate toward me. I smiled at her gratefully and poured syrup on them, before I started eating, sighing contentedly.

We sat in comfortable silence, us eating and her watching us. I would glance up every now and again, just to catch her looking at me with that small, almost calculating smile. After I finished, I pushed the plate away, leaning back in the booth, bring a hand up to rub my face.

There were things we needed to talk about, but Kira certainly didn’t need to be involved, but I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with Mrs. S quite yet. I bit my lip, before pushing Felix out of the booth ignoring his scoff as I dialed Alison, walking toward the bathroom.  
“Hey, Ali, do you think Kira could stay at your place with Donnie and the kids?” I asked, leaning against the wall. After recent events, we all decided we could trust Donnie.

“ _I think that would be okay, but why_?” She asked, making me smile just a bit, it sounded as though she had just been doing her dance work out. I could hear the dvd in the background.

“There are things we need to discuss and Kira doesn’t need to be involved, but Felix should know as well and I’m not sure how I feel about leaving her with Mrs. S.” I paused, as she murmured something to Donnie.

“ _Alright, you can bring her over after eleven, Donnie has to go drive his mother to the doctor._ ” She replied, and I nodded knowing she couldn’t see.

“Okay, see you then, yeah?” We hung up and I pushed off the wall, headed back to the booth. A smile on my face. “Kira, we’re going to go see Auntie Alison later, and she said you can spend the day with Uncle Donnie and your cousins.” I said, after sitting down once more.

Kira smiled, nodding her head. “That sounds fun, can I bring my dolls?” She asked, before finishing off her chocolate milk.

I ignored the confused looks I was getting from Felix and Cosima as I nodded my head. “I bet they would just love that, why don’t we go home and pack up your knapsack with some of your toys so you can show them.” She smiled at me, looking excited.

I pulled out my wallet, laying down enough for the bill, before giving the other two a look. They both rolled their eyes at me, before we left. Kira insisted on me carrying her on my shoulders, but I didn’t mind, after everything, moments like these were hard to come by.

I set her on my shoulders, holding her legs gently as we walked down the street, her hands on either side of my head. “Look, Auntie Cosima, I’m taller than Uncle Felix!” She giggled, squirming a bit.

“Careful, Monkey, you’re not allowed to fall.” I said, shaking my head a bit, my heart thudding as Cosima brushed her arm up against me, just slightly, but it was like an electric shock, leaving me feeling warm inside.

“Sorry, mommy.” Kira mumbled, letting her fingers run through my hair. I chuckled softly as most of it ended up in my face, having to spit out a few hairs here and there.

By the time we got back to the loft, my hair was a mess, but Kira was happy and that’s all that mattered. “Down you go.” I murmured as I set her down, shaking my hair out as I stood back up. She padded off inside, going directly for her small stash of toys in the corner.

Felix followed her in, leaving me and Cosima hanging around the half open door. “How are you feeling?” I asked, leaning up against the brick wall, keeping my gaze trained on her.

“I’m alright, my chest is a little tight, but I think it’s the steps.” She shrugged, readjusting her cannulas. I bit my lip as she got a little closer, our bodies a few inches apart. “What about you? You seem a bit distracted.”

I sighed softly, offering her a half smile. “Well, between what happened last night and this morning and what Marion showed me and Helena being gone, I just have a lot on my mind, but I’m okay, you’re safe, they’re safe..so I’m alright, promise.”

Our eyes met and I smiled shyly, chewing on the inside of my cheek as she brought a hand up to my cheek. She was no longer cold like she was this morning, but delightfully warm, it was so easy to lean into her touch, to feel completely at ease with her.

“You don’t have to be scared or embarrassed or shy, or whatever, with what’s happened between us, because I’m not going away and even though it’s complicated, I want to try and figure this out, with you..” She paused, bringing herself impossibly closer. “If..you want to..that is.”

I let out a soft snort, before I grabbed the front of her jacket gently, pulling her to me, pressing my lips to hers. The rush I had felt from earlier hit me in the gut, as our lips moved together, her hand trailing from my cheek, down my neck, to grip my shoulder gently, her tongue sliding over my lower lip, sending a flash of heat to my core.

My lips parted and she brushed her tongue against mine, forcing a soft sound from my throat, as my hands let go of her coat, one moving to her waist, the other to cup her cheek. I wasn’t entirely sure how long it lasted, what could have been mere moments, felt like hours when we broke apart, our faces flushed.

“Of course I want to, Cos, you already know I love you.” I whispered, biting my lip gently, my eyes finding hers once more.

She gave me that toothy grin, her eyes sparkling as she shook her head. “That’s the first time you’ve said that to my face.” She pointed out, making my cheeks burn.

I rolled my eyes, pressing a kiss to her forehead, before glancing at the door, which had somehow ended up shut. My arms wrapped around her, holding her close, my chin settling on her shoulder. “You don’t have to be smug about it.” I mumbled, breathing her in.

I never wanted to forget the warmth of her in my arms, the way she felt, the way she smelled, we may not have known each other for very long, but she had slowly become a rather large part of my life, a part I didn’t want to live without.  
She chuckled softly, her breath washing up against my neck, sending shivers down my spine. “I didn’t mean to, but now that you mention it.” She teased, as she pulled away gently. “We should go in before Kira thinks something is wrong.”

I nodded and pulled open the door for her, closing it once more when we were in. “Uncle Felix said he’s going to take me to Auntie Alison’s” Kira informed me as she zipped up her knapsack, leaving it next to the couch.

“Oh is he now?” I asked, giving my brother a look. He simply rolled his eyes, shrugging it off. “Well, you have to be there some time after eleven so that gives you about an hour before you have to leave.” I said, settling myself on the floor, letting Cosima have the couch.

“I can take her to the park, before heading over, that way it gives you a little time to clean up last night’s mess before Alison shows up, that way she doesn’t throw a tissy.” Felix interjected, smirking at me as Kira grinned.

“Oh, can he? Pleeease?” She whined, looking up at me with her big brown eyes. I tried, I really did, but ended up caving. “Yay!” She cheered, kissing me on the cheek before she grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder, looking up at Felix.

“See you lot later.” He winked, before leading Kira back out the door.

“Fucking tosser.” I mumbled, leaning my head back against the couch, glancing up at her. “So, what’s this make us?” I asked, letting out a soft sigh as she brushed the hair from my face.

“Well, we don’t have to put on label on it, if you don’t want to, there’s no need to rush things.” She said, smiling at me before she got up, making her way over to the bed. I followed soon after, plopping down next to her as she opened up what looked like a children’s book.

“Mr. Duncan gave this to Kira, it has the genetic sequence I’ve been looking for, it has my cure.” She said, tracing her fingers over the scrawled numbers and letters, just looking at it made my head hurt. “You won’t have to lose me, Sarah..so we can take things slow.”

Once my I wrapped my mind around it, I couldn’t help but smile. There was a cure and she would be better. I took her hand in mine, tracing shapes in her palm as I thought about it, shrugging my shoulders after a moment.

“I’m not really sure, how we’ll explain this to Kira, or even to Alison, and even though I know we have all the time in the world, I don’t think I want to wait to call you mine, you know?” I said, looking up at her, as my hand stilled.

“I’m sure Kira will understand, if we sit her down, and don’t worry about Alison, she went through the same thing with Beth, which is why she was so angry when she first met you, and why we don’t bring Beth up much, they were in pretty deep.” She said, my jaw dropping.

“No way, Ali does not seem like _that_ kind of soccer mom.” I said, trying to contain the giggle that was working it’s way up from my chest.

Cosima shook her head, laughing softly as she intertwined our fingers, squeezing gently. “When she first told me about it, I didn’t judge, I mean how could I, but I always wondered what would make her so attracted to someone who looked just like her..but since I’ve met you, I think I know what she was getting at.” She shrugged gently, flashing me a sheepish smile.

I ran my free hand through my hair, biting my lip gently, before looking at her once more. “Cosima Niehaus, would you do me the immense honor of being my girlfriend?” I asked softly, my cheeks going pink.

She just flashed me that grin she had the first time we met and pulled me close, our lips a fraction apart as she whispered “Yes.” Before kissing me.

Before I knew it, she had me pressed against the bed, our jackets on the floor, her hand snaking up my shirt slowly, tracing shapes along my stomach, sending shivers down my body, heat pulsing through my body, pooling between my legs.

My hands trailed up her back slowly, before tangling into her dreads, bringing her closer, nipping at her lip gently, the sound she made, making me shiver. “Fuck, Cos..” I murmured as she moved to kissing my neck.

I could feel her chuckle softly, as she nipped at the base of my neck, bringing a soft sound from my throat. “So cute.” She murmured, pulling away slowly, smiling down at me. She was so beautiful, I didn’t care if we were supposed to look exactly the same, she was far more beautiful than me, or any of the others.

“Mm, and you’re fucking gorgeous.” I murmured, letting my thumb run across her lips as she rolled her eyes.

She opened her mouth to speak, only to cover it, a hard cough, shaking her body. She sat back, leaning over the bed as she coughed into her hand, each one making my heart hurt. “Cos..” I said softly, rubbing her back as she tried to breathe, I didn’t know what else to do. “Are you alright?” I asked after she had caught her breath.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” She waved me off and I rolled my eyes, noticing the blood on her hand and her chin. I sighed softly, pushing off the bed, heading into the kitchen, wetting a washcloth with warm water before returning.

“Hold still, love.” I muttered, first wiping her hands, taking her chin in my hand as I washed away the blood. Her eyes on me as I erased the evidence of her sickness from her skin. “There we go.” I whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead.


End file.
